This is what I just received in the mail from a wedding in which I was in the Bridal Party. For reference, my gift was a set of 6 gold-rimmed expresso cups and saucers, a deluxe coffee grinder and expresso beans.
"Thank you for attending our wedding. Thank you for choosing such a unique gift of the expresso set of coffee beans, grinder and serving set. ******* and I do not drink any type of coffee due to my headaches and other medical problems. So, if possible you can send a gift receipt we both would be appreciative. Thanks again for your thoughtfulness."
This is copied verbatum. With said information, I am not quite sure how to react. I am leaning towards the idea that Ms. Manners or Emily Post or whoever would not approve of this thank you note.
Regardless, the bride(zilla) previously drank coffee, and I do think that even if she doesn't now it is a beautiful serving piece/set for company. At the least, I don't find it polite to write what she did!
Please advise.
FYI: I purchased the gift at a specialty, independently-run Italian store. No gift receipts there, but I could take back the items myself (if they even accept them.)
I suggest you take back the items and give them to me. Your set sounds gorgeous!
Failing that … there's something a little creepy about how some people approach their weddings as the "ultimate Christmas day." They have their Wish List, and they throw a little tantrum if all the items aren't checked off. They might even have an equation in their head that says, roughly, "we're paying $50 for your dinner, so we want $50 of place settings in 'Upcoming Yuppie' pattern from Crate & Barrel."
It's revolting. It seems like the effort you put in to find something worthy of this type of occasion was completely lost on them. There's really nothing you can do to get the point across. I'd just try to get them their receipt as gracefully as possible and then get far, far away.
23 Comments
You are not to refuse gifts from guests, even if you do not like them. That is very rude. Even though they attempted to make the letter sound nice, in all reality it wasnt.
You can send them the receipt, or you can ignore the letter (however that would be rude too). You can tell them that you werent aware of it and they can just give it back to you so you can go pick them out a gift yourself.
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Go round to her home. Take your gift back & rip that ungratefull bitches hair out of her head.
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The note is so tacky and I am sure it has marred a friendship. I would not respond at all - it doesn't deserve the effort!
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That was very rude, and unfortunately she didn't keep in mind your feelings. I would send her the gift receipt, that way she can't get something she actually likes and will use.
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Ignore it. They can now practice the fine art of "re-gifting".
For future wedding presents, I'd suggest checking gift registries (most places will even include the gift receipt). Food (and drink) items are hit and miss items for gifts if you don't know what a person's personal tastes are.
While it's certainly tacky to ask "get me something else", it's also nice to be sure to get something they'll use.
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O…M…G! That is outrageous! I hope you two weren't THAT close because that is about the biggest breach of manners I have ever seen! There were plenty of wedding gifts I didn't particularly like that I re-gifted or returned. BFD!
My response would be, "Gee, I seemed to have misplaced my receipt. I'm sure you could recoup some of your losses if you sold the items on eBay. So sorry to hear of the recent deterioration of your medical and financial conditions."
Bridezilla indeed!
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I must admit that I don't know why you didn't simply include the gift receipt in the first place. You always hear about people returning wedding gifts, and someone else could have given them the same thing, etc. so it's nice for the couple to have the option to return a gift.
I feel for you though. It is unexpected that someone would suddenly develop medical problems and request a gift receipt in that abrupt fashion. However, I have learned that some people have better social skills than others, and sometimes it's best to just shrug it off when someone is a bit rude and just forget about it. It's not worth you getting upset.
Anyway, if you were in the wedding party, you must be good friends with this person, no? I hope you'll just let it go. It sounds like a lovely gift you selected, and it's too bad it didn't work out.
By the way, my best friend gave me an espresso maker for my wedding and my husband hates coffee. We thought it was pretty funny since wedding gifts should be for both people, not just one person, and my friend knows my husband hates coffee. We just laughed, and I kept my espresso maker that I love.
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i would have found the note to be rather offencive,tacky in fact.gratitude should have been shown,nothing less.
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Call her and tell her no problem. Them tell her that you will be glad to come pick up the gift and get her something they CAN use. Make sure you know what they do drink and AFTER you take the gift to the car and place it in the car. Go back to the door with a 2 liter drink of their "choice" (that you have previously found out) or the bottle of wine they DO drink or milk or whatever. And say sorry I didn't realize that but, maybe you can enjoy this.
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I agree with the person who said not to respond. They aren't worth it!
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Did they register anywhere and you decided to go elsewhere for a gift?
They should not refuse your gift, it's wrong, however, if they registered you should have stuck with what they registered for.
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Wow, I'm sorry you have such a ridiculously tacky friend! Rude and inconsiderate behavior does not warrant any response at all. I would consider the espresso set a "parting gift."
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Wow. Just wow. I cannot stand coffee, but your gift sounds nice & I'd use it for guest at least. Honestly, I wouldn't even respond to that note. Coming to you would have been way better, this way it almost sounds like she didn't really want to thank you or send a note, but since she needed you to be able to return the gift she forced one out.
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I am surprised that since you were in the bridal party, she didn't come to you personally. Also, did the bride register for anything like that? Wow,…very rude.
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i think that is so rude fair enough she doesn't drink coffee but she could still use the cups for tea and I'm sure other ppl who come visit her would drink coffee. i think she is just being ungrateful i wouldn't worry bout it to much just tell her if she really doesn't want the gift to give it back and use it ur self at least that way u no its going to get used and get her something else alot cheaper
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Wow..What a heartless person. It seems as though you put alot of thought into that gift and she just totally blew you off. I would just cut her a check and keep the stuff yourself. You may find another friend who would enjoy drinking the "coffee" with you.
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Send her the statement you have in reference to the purchase. She can give you the items and let you exchange them. I don't think her thank you note was rude, it was just realistic. I have many friends now that don't use caffine
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I would not respond in anyway to such a rude note. Especially considering that you know for a fact that the bride used to drink coffee. I agree that the set can be used for entertaining. My husband and I do not drink coffee but nonetheless we have a coffee maker and thermos and cups.
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I suggest you take back the items and give them to me. Your set sounds gorgeous!
Failing that … there's something a little creepy about how some people approach their weddings as the "ultimate Christmas day." They have their Wish List, and they throw a little tantrum if all the items aren't checked off. They might even have an equation in their head that says, roughly, "we're paying $50 for your dinner, so we want $50 of place settings in 'Upcoming Yuppie' pattern from Crate & Barrel."
It's revolting. It seems like the effort you put in to find something worthy of this type of occasion was completely lost on them. There's really nothing you can do to get the point across. I'd just try to get them their receipt as gracefully as possible and then get far, far away.
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Holy smokes, I can't believe her jam. I would not even respond to that. If she contacts you again, hold your anger and — oh, I don't even know what to tell you, I'm feeling mad FOR you! It's just SO bizarre. Of course she could have kept it for company, or whatever.
Frankly, I'm appalled!
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You are right, that is an extremely rude note! They could have subtly re-gifted it or even donated it to a charity– it is totally inappropriate for them to request a gift receipt from you.
Even if they don't drink coffee they might someday have a guest that does!
I would tell her, "Sorry, the specialty store I bought the gift from does not issue gift receipts, nor accept returns. I picked that gift out especially for you and my intention was to please you."
Honestly, they sound like the kind of cash-grabbing couple that tried to return every gift they got, for the money.
Bridal couples are just becoming more and more disgusting these days. Honestly.
You should turn in this story at Etiquettehell.com
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Miss Manners on Weddings (book title)
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http://www.etiquettehell.com (discussion board)
Don't respond at all. If they ask you in person, apologize and say you don't have one, but that you'll be more than happy to take the gift back.
Then go out and buy them a $10 gift card to target and thank them for the nice coffee set.
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If you want to be the fantastic bigger person here, offer to return the gift for her and ask if there is something else they need that they did not receive from their registry.
But geez, that's tacky of her.
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